


Of Geese and Growing Up

by WritesEveryBlueMoon



Category: Murder Most Unladylike Series - Robin Stevens
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, British Geese, Canadian Geese, Canadian!Lucy, F/M, Felix is as mature as a 5 year old to start but i promise he gets better, Found Family, Humor, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Swearing, Texting, why do I always forget that one?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28815861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritesEveryBlueMoon/pseuds/WritesEveryBlueMoon
Summary: The tale of how Felix Mountfitchet's life was turned upside down and shaken around, as told through his text messages. Featuring found family, life lessons, and falling in love...(Also geese. Because love often comes with stupidity)
Relationships: Felix Mountfitchet/Lucy Livedon | Mountfitchet
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. canadian geese

**Author's Note:**

> A million thank yous to the amazing [Flo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinedflower) and [Clickety](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clickingkeyboards) for being inspiring and encouraging me in my madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important note: this fic takes a few chapters to get started, which is when the Dramatic Event happens, so if you're thinking everything is weirdly calm, remember that this is the build up, and it does have a purpose (but equally this is a text fic, the tone's not gonna get too dark at any point)
> 
> Also "Here Come the Geese" by Barenaked Ladies is the unofficial song for this story.

Agent Stick-in-the-mud  
  
**Apr 5** 12:14 AM  
  
**Felix:** Lucy  
Lucy  
its an emergency  
  
**Lucy:** Mountfitchet, it is 5am, you had better have a good reason for this  
  
**Felix:** i can't sleep  
the geese outside are being too noisy  
  
**Lucy:** I'm going to kill you  
  
**Felix:** please, i beg  
share ur great canadian, goose-defeating wisedom  
  
**Lucy:** I'm going back to bed, contact Rhys if there's an actual emergency  
  
**Felix:** but theyre coming closer  
what  
do  
i  
do  
  
  
**Lucy Livedon** has blocked you  
  
**Felix:**...  
well thats just rude  
  


* * *

Unknown  
  
**Apr 5** 9:11 AM  
  
**Unknown:** M, go the occupied bench in the Japanese Gardens to discuss business at 11:00. Do not be late.  
  


* * *

RJ raccoon  
  
**Apr 5** 2:45 PM  
  
**Rhys:** Felix  
  
**Felix:** rhys  
  
**Rhys:** Why did I hear a complaint from Lucy about u messaging her about geese  
At 5 A M  
  
**Felix:** in my defence  
these canadian geese are weirdos  
  
**Rhys:** Good god Felix  
How do I even effectively reprimand u for this?  
  
**Felix:** to be fair  
she blocked me  
  
**Rhys:** Do u blame her?  
  
**Felix:** no  
but it is against policy  
  
**Rhys:** I'll give her a very sympathetic note about it  
I know how to hurt u anyway  
  
**Felix:** pls, i am unbreakable  
  
**Rhys:** We have a group chat without you  
  
**Felix:** 😨  
N O  
how COULD u? :(  
uve broken my ❤  
shattered it  
  
**Rhys:** Yes, can't think why anyone would want to interact with u less /s  
  


* * *

Bertato  
  
**Apr 6** 10:16 AM  
  
**Felix:** Hey Bertie, it's been a while!  
How have you been?  
  
**Bertie:** fine. you?  
  
**Felix:** Yeah, I've been doing well  
We should have a proper catch up sometime! :)  
  
**Bertie:** yeah i guess.  
cant really talk right now, got stuff to do.  
  
**Felix:** Ah yes, ever-demanding teenage life LOL  
Give my love to Daisy!  
  
**Bertie:** of course.  
  


* * *

Agent Stick-in-the-mud  
  
**Apr 6** 6:02 PM  
  
**Lucy:** Hello Mountfitchet. I wanted to apologise for my imprudent actions yesterday. I acted out of anger, and didn't consider the possible consequences. I am sorry.  
  
**Felix:** nah  
im sorry  
i was being a dick  
  
**Lucy:** Yeah, you were.  
Those geese can be very irritating though.  
  
**Felix:** thank you for admitting im right  
  
**Lucy:** You exhaust me  
If all goes to plan, I'll see you when you fly back on the 11th  
  
**Felix:** cool, c u then  
  
**Lucy:** I wish you the best of luck  
  
**Felix:** thanks  
  


* * *

Farah-way Tree  
  
**Apr 6** 3:15 PM  
  
**Felix:** hey Farah  
  
**Farah:** Spelling my name w a capital letter? u must be abt to ask smth big  
  
**Felix:** u know those weird fancy chocolates lucy likes  
  
**Farah:** No. she's my friend, I'm not disguising brussel sprouts as them  
  
**Felix:** dont be ridiculous  
im not gonna do that twice  
  
**Farah:** ok then what?  
  
**Felix:** just buy some w the stupidity fund and pretend theyre from u  
  
**Farah:** Why not just give them to her from you?  
  
**Felix:** bc  
  
**Farah:**??  
  
**Felix:** idk shell like them better if i dont have anything to do w it  
  
**Farah:** If thats what u want  
  
**Felix:** thx, iou 1  
  



	2. emotional support poutine

Loch Kess Monster  
  
**Apr 7** 3:56 AM  
  
**Kesia:** ok Fliss, be honest  
were u Lucy's secret admirer chocolates?  
and most importantly is it a joke  
because if it is I am flying across the atlantic to punch you in the face  
  
**Apr 7** 8:42 AM  
  
**Felix:** im gonna kill farah  
no Kesia its not a bloody joke  
i was just trying to be nice  
  
**Kesia:** sorry, it's just reminiscent of the chocolate sprouts incident  
what does Farah have to do with this?  
  
**Felix:** everyone always brings up the sprouts incident like we didn't all know that rose brat deserved it  
i asked farah to just buy the chocolates and give them to her  
no weird secret admirer stuff  
  
**Kesia:** well i'm glad she did  
Lucy's been in a good mood all day  
she doesn't think it's you, i was just double checking  
  
**Felix:** see? i am really a rather wonderful person at heart  
kind sensitive and trustworthy  
truly the epitome of a gentleman  
  
**Kesia Freeman** has blocked you  
  
**Felix:** people just seem to keep doing that  
  


* * *

Bertato  
  
**Apr 7** 9:27 AM  
  
**Bertie:** hey Uncle Felix  
i know it's really soon, but do u think u could make it for Daisy's birthday?  
it would mean so much to have u there  
  
**Felix:** I really wish I could come, but I'm in Canada right now  
I only fly back on the morning of Daisy's birthday  
I'm afraid I won't be able to make it  
I'll be sure to get a present for next time I see you two!  
  
**Apr 7** 11:21 AM  
  
**Bertie:** it's fine.  
good luck with your stupid work stuff.  
  
**Felix:** I'm so sorry, bud  


* * *

Unknown  
  
**Apr 7** 12:46 PM  
  
**Unknown:** M, go the arranged meeting place at 3PM, with all prior agreed intel. Do not disappoint.  
  


* * *

Network Provider  
  
**Mar 11** 1:32 PM  
  
**Network Provider:** We hope you are enjoying your trip to Canada. Unfortunately, you have used up your free abroad credit! To buy more, go to the Griffin Network website here.  
  


* * *

Agent Stick-In-The-Mud  
  
**Mar 11** 6:08 PM  
  
**Felix:** hello Lucy, ive got a friendly request for your services  
as a canadian  
  
**Lucy:** *SIGH*  
Yes, how may I help?  
  
**Felix:** wow that sigh was uncharacteristic of u  
  
**Lucy:** I was worried my tone might not read clearly enough over text  
  
**Felix:** understood, sigh noted  
  
**Lucy:** Thank you  
Anyway, what disaster have you gotten into that requires any Canadian knowledge?  
  
**Felix:** i need a good place to go eat that chips and gravy stuff  
  
**Lucy:** You mean Poutine?  
  
**Felix:** yeah, that  
  
**Lucy:** I mean, I never lived in Montréal, but if I recall, La Banquise was a nice restaurant  
  
**Felix:** perfect  
time to go eat my stress away  
  
**Lucy:** Are you okay?  
  
**Felix:** just... life.  
  
**Lucy:** I understand  
I'm here if you ever need to talk, you know  
  
**Felix:** awww  
and here i thought you hated my guts  
  
**Lucy:** Wanting you to have a decent quality of life is a pretty low bar, Mountfitchet  
  
**Felix:** and there it is 💔  
  
**Lucy:** *SIGH*  
Enjoy your Poutine  
  
**Felix:** sigh Noted  
and thank u  
  
**Mar 11** 8:30 PM  
  
**Felix:** holy shit Lucy  
this stuff is amazing  
  
**Lucy:** There's this thing called a time difference, Mountfitchet, I'm not sure you're aware of it.  
However, I am glad to hear you're enjoying your food  
  
**Felix:** oh shit im sorry  
its not too bad is it?  
  
**Lucy:** No, it's not that bad  
Are you feeling happier than you did earlier?  
  
**Felix:** yeah thanks  
tho £100 and some personal relationship crap poorer  
  
**Lucy:** Mountfitchet, did you spend £100 on Poutine? Because that does seem a little unwise  
I'm sorry about the relationship problems, love can be messy  
  
**Felix:** excuse you i am not that foolish  
i got charged a massive bill for not being organised about my abroad service  
also ftr my love life is as vastly empty as a dessert lol  
  
**Lucy:** Do you mean desert or is this a metaphor for how your love life is like an ice cream sundae?  
**Felix:**...  
the metaphor thing  
DEFINITELY that  
very wise and pre-thought out  
  
**Lucy:** Of course.  
Thinking ahead and using braincells is very like you.  
  
**Felix:** rude  
  
**Lucy:** All I did was compliment you  
  
**Felix:** i am fluent in many laguages, one of which is sarcasm  
  
**Lucy:** What an achievement  
I am fluent in many languages, but have yet to master any laguages  
  
**Felix:** ha. ha.  
fitting, as u r the only person who would care abt that typo  
  
**Lucy:** Oh I assure you, I don't  
I do, however, very much enjoy annoying you  
  
**Felix:** 💔  
however will i live  
  
**Lucy:** Poutine?  
  
**Felix:** ur right  
its just me and my Emotional Support Poutine against the world  
  
**Lucy:** You're in for a nasty shock when you come back to London  
  
**Felix:** 😭  
maybe i should move here  
  
**Lucy:** With the work visa you don't have?  
  
**Felix:** I could start a business?  
  
**Lucy:** Like that time you tried to start a notebook company?  
  
**Felix:** good point  
i could go to study here?  
  
**Lucy:** Do you have the money for that?  
  
**Felix:** no.  
i'll just take the easy route  
  
**Lucy:** Which is?  
  
**Felix:** marrying someone to get citizenship  
  
**Lucy:** You do realise that would require convincing someone to marry you?  
  
**Felix:** hey im not that bad  
u know... ur canadian 😏  
  
**Lucy:** Oh dear lord  
  
**Felix:** marry me Livedon? 💍🥞🥓  
  
**Lucy:** 😂  
  
**Felix:** u wound me 💔  
on the plus side, i got u to use an emoji  
  
**Lucy:** Do you think I never use them or something?  
  
**Felix:** honestly i always imagine you texting with a quill stylus  
  
**Lucy:** Unfair of you to joke about something I actually would want  
  
**Felix:** lifes unfair  
u want a quill stylus and end up with geese  
  
**Lucy:** And 9 o'clock meetings  
  
**Felix:** ouch  
  
**Lucy:** Indeed :( I'm afraid I should probably be getting to bed  
  
**Felix:** oh shit yh  
sweet dreams  
and er  
thanks for talking, i appreciate it  
  
**Lucy:** You're welcome  
goodnight  
  
**Felix:** gnight  


**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and especially comments if you enjoyed, and feel free to suggest anything!


End file.
